Amis Amants
by Lizicia
Summary: 'He's never proposed to anyone before. But he thinks it shouldn't be that difficult. Smile a goofy smile, never let your eyes carry away from the woman you're proposing to and make sure the people around you are entertained.' Post-finale, Neal/Sara.


**A/N:** I honestly struggled with this story. I knew I wanted to write something, to emphasize the fact that there was a proposal in the finale and that all the Sara/Neal moments were amazing _(_the_ who invited Sara?_ segment just deliciously amazing), so I finally managed to write. This is a bit of introspection, a bit an extended scene, mostly emotional upheaval. Parts of dialogue are from the episode.

**Disclaimer:** Nope, not mine, or Hilarie Burton would never leave.

* * *

When Sara picks out her outfit for the fake-proposal, her hand automatically reaches for a dress and she pulls it over her head without a second thought. It's only when she's standing in front of her mirror that she realizes the irony of the situation. She will be wearing charcoal black to her own engagement.

But, she thinks, it is fitting. Black is the color of mourning and in a way, she is in mourning already. This is going to be a beautiful charade, nothing more, only words without meaning, constructed by a con-man whose words can never be trusted and she knows full well the part she will be playing.

She thinks of the first time she was proposed to. Bryan was very practical about it – he told her what the advantages of getting married were, how they would be better off sharing their assets and joining their futures and _it is expected after two years of dating_. So she approached it calmly and rationally as well, waging the idea of it in her head. And accepted his proposal – and the obscenely big 5 carat diamond ring on her finger. After all, Bryan was good and acceptable and it seemed like a fair match.

But that was just it. Despite the rationale of it, Sara yearned for the romanticism, yearned for something greater than herself, something that she didn't want to believe existed but couldn't stop believing either. It wasn't his increased workload or interoffice tension that drove them apart; it was the idea of settling for something that left her unnerved and disappointed in herself. She didn't want to settle, she wanted to be swept off her feet.

And now, when she has been swept off her feet, it's nothing more than a beautiful dream and she's letting it slip away. There is no great ending for her and Neal, she's always known it. They are far too incompatible and while she loves to share his fantasies sometimes, she knows it can't last, knows it won't last. Knows better than to think they could be more than _amis amants_ – she really hates that expression now – and is content with the cons he'll offer because if she can't have a _forever_, she'll take _as long as we've got_.

So she wears black. Because she mourns for the opportunities lost, mourns for the young girl who wanted to be loved, who still hoped that one day it would come. But she's not that girl any more; she's Sara Ellis, a tough insurance investigator who's unperturbed by feelings and acts solely on what's reasonable and never asks for what she wants but either takes it or leaves it.

* * *

He wears his best suit as he prepares his speech for Sara. There will be an audience so he conjures up the cheesiest, most romantic sentences he can think of.

_You are the sun in my sky, the center of my universe, the air that I breathe._ Not enough.

_You complete my world, you make me want to be a better man._ More realistic than he wants it to be.

_I could live without you but I don't want to. _He could be writing romantic comedies.

And of course, the grand finale, the most over-used of them all, Paul's letter to the Corinthians. _Love is patient, love is kind, love is not jealous or boastful, it is not arrogant or rude_, and so on. It is the epitome of wedding wows but he isn't sure he could stay serious throughout it. All the things that love isn't, Neal Caffrey most definitely is.

He's never proposed to anyone before, for real or for show. But he thinks it shouldn't be that difficult. Smile a goofy smile, never let your eyes carry away from the woman you're proposing to and make sure the people around you are entertained. So maybe his idea of a proposal is a bit out there. But it won't be a real marriage anyway, simply a means to an end, right?

* * *

It isn't until they're at the Empire State Building and Sara's standing in front of him, looking ravishing – if a bit melancholy – in her black dress that he really starts considering what they're about to do.

He's going to propose a marriage. Neal Caffrey will get down on one knee and propose to a woman, with the intent of spending the rest of his life with her and no matter how many times he tells himself that it's a con, it is starting to feel a bit too real. Sara wonders teasingly about his cold feet but he won't let her see how right she actually is. Instead, he drops down on one knee, looks up into Sara's beautiful face and freezes.

All the words he's thought of don't matter. In an instant, he's not Nick Holden but Neal Caffrey, a diamond ring in his pocket for Sara Ellis, the woman who once called him a sociopath. And there's nothing more he wants than for this to be real.

So the proposal becomes a weird impossible reality and their dysfunctional relationship gets another spin. She chastises him for being too realistic and a part of him wants to say that he meant every word but what good would that do if she's leaving him anyway? And he smiles a bit vacantly, and cons her into thinking it was just an act. In the end, though, they acknowledge some of it, the future they will never have, the children with wonderfully alliterative names - Conrad and Constance Caffrey - and it's a nice image. Dangerous but nice.

Sara's twirling the ring around her finger, toying with it absentmindedly as they stand on the edge of the sky, she half-turned in his embrace, and Neal's eyes follow its movement. It is extravagant and big and it's not really her ring – he wouldn't buy it for her in another reality, the one he doesn't want to acknowledge could exist – but it was suitable for the purpose. His treacherous heart, however, has its own ideas about what should and shouldn't be said.

"You know, it's not really your ring."

She startles out of her thoughts and stops touching the ring. "Oh, I know, sorry. Here, take it back." And she starts taking it off her finger but his hand on hers stops it.

He chuckles at her confused gaze. "No. I meant – it is not _your_ ring. It doesn't look like the kind of a ring Sara Ellis would wear."

Now she gives him a more piercing glance, a lot hidden in her gaze. "Who would wear it then?"

"Nick Holden's girlfriend would. She would only care about the carats and what her friends will say and whether everyone will notice."

She smirks and he knows what she wants to ask but is stopping herself from doing.

In a moment of absolute insanity – or perfect clarity, he isn't sure – he answers the unspoken question. "Neal Caffrey's girlfriend, on the other hand, wouldn't wear a ring at all because he would never ask the question in the first place. He would just let things go on their own because he wouldn't know how to until someone tells him to man up."

He knows he shouldn't be saying these things at a time like this – or at all – but she smiles and takes over the talking. "And maybe Neal Caffrey's girlfriend would pull him aside one day, when Connie has painted the walls in their house red with her mother's lipstick and Conrad doesn't feel like doing his homework. And she would ask him _Just how long are you going to make me wait?_ And a week from that, there would be a candle-lit dinner and a ring, and he would say _Marry me_ and she would say_ I don't suppose it's possible to make an honest man out of you but I'll try._"

Her smile is a bit watery now and she cups his cheek affectionately. "And in another world they would live happily ever after."

Neal's hold on her tightens. Conrad and Connie, their made-up children, seem closer, like they're a real possibility. He can almost see them, dark-haired with blue eyes, full of mischief and wielding batons. Instead of that being a reality, they are stubbornly calling themselves _amis amants_ and not doing anything remotely close to what they want to be doing.

Their moment is interrupted by Mozzie and the plan, however crazy, seems to be working.

"I have to admit, I'm impressed."

"Well, we couldn't have done it without you." He means it more than ever. And not just because he needed someone to fake-propose to but because she's been his beautiful assistant in many cons, this one just greater than the rest.

She takes off the ring and her finger feels empty without it; in only a short amount of time, she's gotten used to the heavy feeling of it, the symbolism it holds. She does it with regret, a twinge of sorrow for everything they will never have, for letting go of the con.

His _thank you_ is filled with more feeling than any declaration he could give her, so when they try to fall back on their usual banter, it sounds empty and hollow. Too much has been said and done and imagined to restore the natural order of things where she was an insurance investigator and he a con-man and they could just walk away from each other with a smile and some flirting.

Now there's history between them and he kisses her one more time, to emphasize that fact, to let her know that there could have been so much.

"Stay out of trouble, Caffrey."

"I will."

"No, you won't. That's what I like about you."

And that's what she means to him. She knows so much about him, more than what he's ever revealed to others and he wants to let her know that. Wants more than this emptiness, more than an engagement that never was.

He embraces her and holds her close because the next words he's about to say will mean more than everything and he's not sure he can look at her but whispers them into her ear instead.

"Sara Ellis would wear a simple silver band, with an elegant princess cut emerald because it would always match her eyes."

Her breath hitches for a moment and she pulls back from the embrace, searching for his eyes. Whatever she finds there must be compelling enough because she kisses him again, fiercely, with feelings too close to the surface.

"God, Caffrey, don't do this."

"Just remember that nothing I said today was a lie. Another life, Sara, another life."

He walks her to the elevator and she leaves. But not for good. For now.

* * *

**A/N:** Ah, yes. No happy ending for them, I'm afraid. But let me know what you think!


End file.
